In light of the new year, a common theme in resolutions is removing toxic people from your life. Having to end any kind of relationship, whether it’s with a friend or a significant other, is difficult and often painful. When it comes to toxic relationships, always remember that it isn’t your fault and cutting ties with them is the best option you have for maintaining happiness.

You may be skeptical at first but according to CBS News, the beginning step to any breakup is to observe how they treat you. Identifying a harmful relationship starts by seeing a pattern of controlling, victimizing, dishonest and selfish behavior. They also won’t respect your boundaries and will likely try to keep pressure you into interaction. That treatment coming from someone means that the respect they have for you is very limited within the relationship and that they don’t value the bond they share with you.

Once you have recognized that it’s a bad relationship, you can begin to remove them from your routine. Before anything else, keep in mind that someone who didn’t respect your boundaries before probably won’t later, so remember that distancing yourself is a gradual process. Also know that the most important thing is to be honest. Tell them how you feel in a kind and calm manner.

When talking to them, it’s best to do it in a public place. They will be less likely to retaliate in a disruptive way and if necessary, you can just get up and leave at anytime. It’s also important that you avoid arguing with them. A toxic person won’t understand why you have chosen to separate from them and won’t be willing to listen to any argument you may have. The most efficient way is to just state what you feel in a collective and steady tone without engaging in a debate.

After the discussion, try to lessen the contact you have with them. This means no talking to them through social media and not interacting with them during the school day. You distancing yourself will communicate to them that you want to be left alone.

Whenever a relationship ends, it’s sad and it hurts, but this new year is all about having the courage to face your challenges head-on and loving yourself through your actions. Once the damaging people are gone from your life, you can form new friendships with people who will enjoy your company and contribute to your overall happiness.