One of the very first life lessons most of us were ever taught by our parents was “life’s not fair.” I’ve heard that sentence almost every day of my life. I used to take those words for granted because I always thought it was one of those regular sayings all moms are required to tell their children, just like when they say “because I said so.” I didn’t realize that what my mom really wanted me to understand about that simple clause was that it’s the basis of growing up.

The thing about life is that it’s unpredictable. There is no crystal ball that can show you what your future will look like, there is no fortune cookie that can tell you when luck will cross your path, there is no possible way for anyone to tell you what to expect.

That being said, everyone can make an educated guess that something is bound to go wrong. That’s just life. There will always be a moment where it seems like your life is falling apart and just like when we were little kids we still expect someone to be there to pick up the pieces. Mom was always there to lift you up when you were down but there will come a time when Mom can’t be there anymore. Then it becomes your time to pick up the pieces yourself. That’s what being an adult means. It means that you take responsibility for the cards that you were dealt without victimizing yourself in the process.

According to Psychology Today, being an adult is knowing when things are outside your control and being able to make your peace with it. They write on their website, “If you want to turn the page, you must look at everything on it and digest it, instead of trying to rip it out.” It’s important for us to understand that we can’t ignore the ugly parts of life, but we also can’t dwell on them. We just need to accept them and move on.

Additionally, part of being an adult is learning how to stop lying to yourself and others. People our age are specifically practiced in the art of self-deception because it’s easier than dealing with an unacknowledged truth. We look at our not-so-good grades and blame the teacher’s inability to educate us or we fault our partner in a group project when the grade comes out worse than expected.

We’re always telling ourselves what we consider to be little white lies because we don’t want the consequences that will inevitably come with them. What we don’t seem to realize yet is that every time we lie, we put ourselves in a position where we can’t succeed. It makes growing up ten times harder because we’re conditioned to act as if we don’t have problems we can’t solve.

“It takes a certain amount of self-discipline to keep self-deception from becoming a hindrance on the job or in relationships,” Sue Shellenbarger wrote in “The Wall Street Journal.” “Getting too wrapped up in achievements or public image is one danger sign. Dodging a chronic problem by telling yourself you’ll solve it in the future is another.”

To grow up following your mom’s words of “life’s not fair” is key to being a successful adult. Knowing that life isn’t fair and being able to recognize it while taking responsibility for the way you react to it is how you grow up. Being an adult means being a person of action. It’s just what it is. It sucks sometimes but when you take responsibility and you chase that responsibly with an honest mind you will succeed.