As teenagers, we all complain. We complain about how much homework we have. We complain about our guardians being unfair. We complain about our siblings receiving “special treatment.” We even complain about our friends. But eventually, the complaining becomes too much.

Recently, I have come into the situation where a friend of mine is constantly complaining. Anything and everything that comes out of their mouth lately has been negative. It’s been so negative that I’ve found myself not wanting to be around said friend. When trying to figure out what to do about this situation, I came to the realization that it’s not the complaining that bugs me, but the fact that said friend isn’t doing anything to fix the problems, or at least make the situation better.

Many times, when people complain, it’s to vent frustrations. I get that. I should know; I complain a lot. But eventually, I usually try to let the irritant go, because nothing positive comes out of holding onto negativity. Oftentimes, though, in the process of venting, the frustration we feel fails to disappear as we keep thinking about things that irritate us. And when someone complains too much, well, there’s a good chance people aren’t going to want to be around them for very long. In fact, according to Dr. Michael Cunningham, a psychologist at the University of Louisville, “Chronic complainers get stuck in victim mode, and that irritates the people around them.”

As teenagers, a lot of the things that we complain about often are insignificant or can be rectified. Now don’t get me wrong; a lot of things are a big deal and can put a lot of emotional stress on us, but there are still things in our lives over which we have control. For example, if taking four AP classes is too stressful, you can drop one at anytime for a class with a lower workload. And if, for some reason, that’s not an option for you, attempt to take a few hours a week to unwind and do something you enjoy.

For the big things that can’t be controlled, definitely don’t bottle it all in, as, according to Dr. Rick Nauert on psychcentral.com, bottling up emotions can lead to aggression. No one wants an overly aggressive friend. Instead, try just letting friends know about the stress you’re under so they can understand, but channel your strong emotions into writing, art, physical activity or anything else that releases tension. Remember to not totally phase your close friends and family out though; they want to help.

And friends of chronic complainers, hang in there. You can try to give them advice, or you can try to change the subject to something more positive. Just keep in mind how you feel when everything in life feels like crap. Be at least somewhat sensitive (or be blunt if you’re really close friends and feel like they need a slap of reality).