You waited for her to ask you to Sub Deb. But she never did, so you spent Saturday night buying a cat to prepare for your probable future. Don’t worry, you can take the cat back to the pound. Here are a few tips on asking a girl to prom.

Whether you intend to pursue a relationship with the girl you are asking to prom or just want to have a fun night together, be direct. Too often, boys “play it cool,” which apparently means being extremely vague and ambiguous so the girl doesn’t know if the boy is interested in a relationship or not. (Example: Someone asked me to ask them on a date, then said, “ha-ha, just kidding. But you could.”) This puts all of the responsibility on the girl’s shoulders, and the friendship could end one of two ways: The girl could feel guilty for leading the boy on because he seems to be under the impression that the two of them are an item, or she could feel silly and cruel for rejecting him when he never made a move. Either way, the situation would be weird for both of you. (I am inclined to feel guilty for leading people on; one time I called someone to tell them that I didn’t like them when they had never asked me out.)

Ask someone you think is a unique and awesome person; not someone you are aiming toward as a token of your social status. This way, you can always be friends, and you can actually have a good time together. When you’re old, you want to remember prom as a fun night with your friends, not wince over it and take a shot of Dr. Pepper. (And think about it; how many interactions for the sake of social status have ended well? They seem to just disjoint into smallness.)

Be yourself with the girl you want to ask to prom. Your goal shouldn’t be impressing her as much as it should be about centering your craziness or building a friendship. A trick to see if you are trying too hard to impress: how much are you thinking? If it’s a lot, take a deep breath. A Chinese proverb states, “From being oneself comes both evoking admiration and inner peace.” (Not really, but you get the idea.)

A final thought is that you should just be kind. Girls want friendships with you, not manipulations or shallowness. Don’t try to impress yourself upon the girl you want to ask out by highlighting her weaknesses. Be a person with them.