Like many teenagers, I’ve gone through my fair share of ups and my downs. Breakups, make ups. Making and losing friends. Family issues galore. And with that, I have come away with one specific lesson. No matter how much I think they can, no one can fix what I think is wrong with myself. Only I can.

Now, I’ve had the misfortune of thinking I could rely on significant others for my happiness. And that just isn’t the case. For a while, I thought that as long as I can keep them and feel wanted, I’ll be okay. But that was far from the truth. I focused all my time and energy on them and changed who I was for them. But it was never enough; I felt like I wasn’t enough. But the truth was, they couldn’t fix my insecurities like I thought they could. Only I could do that.

But unfortunately, I only realized that recently. With every relationship I had, I lost more and more friends. I put all my energy into people who weren’t worth it and lost sight of those who were. The people who were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on? I couldn’t connect with them anymore. I forgot the happiness friendship had always brought me in the past and ultimately lost the part of myself that smiled and laughed at the dumbest things. The people who helped me see past my vulnerabilities? They were no longer there to support me as I figured myself out. They couldn’t fix me.

And the worst part? Until recently, I don’t think even my family realized how alone I felt. They’re fine with me staying in on the weekends. I mean, they never have to worry about me partying or getting pregnant that way. They never questioned me when I’m holed up in my room doing absolutely nothing. They probably think I’m doing homework when I usually leave it for the last minute. My grades stayed up, so they never questioned me. For a while, they barely knew who their own daughter was. And believe me, it’s hard to help someone you barely know.

Right now, this column may seem like me complaining about my life. But that’s not an opinion and would not be in the paper if it was. What I want to get across is that you are in charge of your own life. Not other people. Friends and family can support you, but they can’t make life better for you. Expecting them to will only lead to tension and unneeded stress on them as they are ultimately unable to singlehandedly make you happy. So, basically, don’t be me. Go out and be social. Get some time in the sun. Find time to learn who you are in positive environments. Trust me, you may hate it at first, but you’ll be glad you did in the end. I definitely was when I eventually did.